Nertz to Bob Vila

Yup, everytime I start a project here (and I have many many projects) I talk to myself as if I was on DIY. "This old oak floor, paint-spattered, grimy, worn, dried-out and with an obvious long-time rug wear spot in the middle..."

Maybe you don't know it, but Bob Vila used to always heavily advertise his sponsors on his shows. Nothing was ever as good as what his sponsors gave him to use. If Craftsman or DeWalt gave him tools, they were the best. (Craftsman used to be the best but went downhill.) I used to get so disgruntled with Bob when he would push a product that I knew from experience wasn't worth a crap, or took more effort or preparation than he advertised.

When I was a kid, we had real oak floors (until Mother covered them up with a grotesque gold deep pile carpet). Every four months or so, we would put paste wax on old towels, sit on them, and rub our butts over the floor. Then we would get clean old towels, sit on those, and chase each other around the floor until it glowed.

Nowadays, of course, the 'wood' floors you get at Home Depot or Lowe's are rarely real wood planks, carefully varnished and protected from the elements. Mushed together ground up wood and paper products in glue, formed and made to look like wood, with a fake grain and veneer. Not meant to last; built-in obsolescence, destined to be ripped up in five years or covered.

But this poor old floor, in what had obviously been the kids' room, had been neglected for so long. I could have sanded it down and restained and polyu'ed it, I guess. But a polyurethaned floor just looks so - well, fake. And this wood was thirsty. Dried and sad. I knew that Murphy's Oil Soap would clean it, but then what?

I have always had a bad habit of wandering around hardware and supply stores, just looking. I can spend hours in them, thinking about what I want and need to do - and what they have on hand so that I can do it. Well, I found two quart bottles of this stuff... not brand name stuff, not famous name stuff. "Wood Wax". All it had in it was carnuba wax, beeswax, and orange oil. It looked like either crystallizing honey or hardening yellow mucous. It did have a nice smell, though - that orange oil. So I bought both bottles to test. Why both? Cause if it was what I needed, I wouldn't have to go back - and because I have a houseful of wood that just needs a little help, not the deep help the floor needed, so I'd probly find a use for it.

First dose - it sucked it in, literally drew every drop down into its woody little pores. I took an old towel, folded it, and rubbed it after it dried - a very dull sheen was the result. So I got down on my hands and knees and took a scrubber to the old paint spots. Why after I applied the oil, and not before? Because the wood absorbed that oil and made it easier to lift up the latex. I am all about easy... and I did NOT want to sand that floor!

After the second dose, and a second polishing, you could see the legs of the table and chair reflected in it. The ground-in rug imprint had vanished. So I gave it a third dose... tomorrow the buffer, but I can tell you right now that that oil and that wax seemed to be exactly what it needed. It is beautiful, shiny, and you can see the intricate and varied striations of the wood grain now. I don't have kids around to park their butts on towels, but I do have a hand-held buffer that will work just fine. Nothing prettier than 100 year old wood brought back to life.

All done without high-end, brand-new brand-name products, expensive tools, or layers of sawdust and male power-tool posturing. Bite me, Bob.