Saturday, February 14, 2009

Circle of Friends

When I made up my mind to start a new life and to choose to go into a different direction, I knew I would catch a lot of flak from people. Even though I had never made any secret of what I wanted, where I really wanted to be, and what I really wanted to do in and with my life, many folks had pigeonholed me in a certain persona. They were shocked - some were even angry - because they didn't know me but only thought that they did. Some were downright nasty about my choices. They didn't like the fact that their little problems and knifings and gossipy false nastiness simply didn't matter to me - they resented that they didn't matter to my life, loves, future and pursuits.

So they were pretty nasty when I went ahead and did what my real friends had always known I was going to do. Vicious. Vengeful. Saying even more nasty things than they ever did before. They just KNEW that the gossip that they had always spread about me was TRUE, and my moving away from all of the 'lovers' and 'incomes' that they had assigned me in their own perverted, tiny minds refuted that. That made them angry. And never moreso than that little group who said those nasty terrible things - right in front of my husband, without even being aware that he was there, because most of them did not even trouble to know that I was married to him!

Well, one of my old friends invited me to join Facebook. Here I can have little conversations, IM's, and emails back and forth with the people whom I choose to allow onto my page. I have 16 friends and family on there. Very limited. Only people who know me well, and whom I know and am fond of - and trust. We play and send each other drinks and pillow fights and little fun notes, and cheer each other up and share each other's playful senses of humor. Because humor is the most important qualification between me and my friends. Like children in a daycare without supervision, we play happily, and no one needs a timeout or a spanking. We share our day-to-day and are happy in our own little spaces, sending each other hugs and cuddles and giggles and memories.

So what should of course happen this week, but one of those mean and nasty, backstabbing little gossips suddenly wants to "be my friend" - i.e., have access to my pages on Facebook! Apparently she has run out of people to talk about, and needs to pry into other peoples' lives again. Needs to empower herself by sneering once again, stealing from others' lives once again, to make herself feel all better about herself once again.

Um, no. That's what the ignore button is for, and you better believe I'll press it any and every time one of those nasty backstabbing small minded folk tries to invade my happiness. I don't have the time to waste on them. I don't feel like having them comment endlessly on what me and my dearest friends do to or with each other, because we love each other and want to continue to share that closeness over time and miles. They don't - will never - have that, so they are jealous of, and have to destroy those, pick apart those, who do. They are pathetic, have always been and will always be pathetic. Emotional vampires, living off of, sucking the joy out of, and trying to destroy others purely for their own emotional empowerment. I don't have time for them. I never did. And that is what pisses them off most of all... that they don't matter to me, my friends, and my life All of their gossip, their lies, their intentional vicious cruelties have no impact on what and whom I love, nor how much I care about them.

Sorry, Sunshine - guess you'll have to gossip about the same old tired people still. You are not - were never - a part of my life, no matter how much you insisted that you had to be. Go wallow in your own filth; you are through making up and slinging filth about me and mine. We still love each other and care for each other, and always will; no matter how hard and desperately you tried to destroy that. If I thought about you at all, I might pity you for what you do to yourself, and to all of the other people who innocently trust you until they find out what you really are. But I don't have the time nor the energy for even that. Yawn. You are nothing to me and my loving caring circle of friends, no matter how badly, how desperately, you need to feel otherwise. You are nothing more than a fly - you talk shit and bother decent people. Go bother someone else. Consider yourself firmly swatted. And ignored.

I'm going to go send my friends some drinks, kidnap a couple more, and keep that pillow fight going! Whoo hoo! Take THAT, with the Tootsie Roll pillow! Did you get the virtual lingerie? did you like it? Hee hee. Let's PLAY! Life is good, we love each other, and we enjoy each other's company still... those long evening chats, those early AM rushing-arounds, those weekend giggles. Did you get the Valentine's card? Did you like it? What did you think about what she said? Did you get those taxes done? Hee hee. Look at THIS picture - bet you've never seen anything like this before! Oh, look - another quiz! What did you mean by your answer to #8? Oh, man, that's funny! Did you hear about...

Playtime. Love-time. Sharing time in virtual space with people we love - the next best thing to being in each other's homes and holding each other, telling jokes and giggling side by side. I took off on a Tangent - a 1965 Convertible Tangent - and we all shared the ride. It's life, fun and crazy, affectionate and caring, and no one around to snoop and sneer and infer evil things from the love we all share. Why screw up something perfect?

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Pop pop pop music

Everything on my iPod is upbeat; walking and workin music, even driving music. Bad enough when I sing to music; the iPod is for when I sing when I'm by myself, because most of the time if you can't hear the words, you might mistake it for two fighting tomcats, or something in pain.So this is what I listen to -

Bob Seeger and the Silver Bullet Band - everything they ever made. "The Fire Down Below" is so true; I sing it for one of my friends.

John Denver - my passion and my only country indulgence. The "I am the Eagle" verse always gets me...Alanna Morrissette's "Black Velvet" (I HATE whiny women's songs; this is one of the most seductive ever made)

Jimmy Buffett - I am a closet Parrothead. "Boat Drinks" is my favorite, but "Pencil-Thin Mustache" will make me grin and tapdance.

Neil Diamond - I am soooo square. Sigh. But "Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show" - man, if I could sing, I'd make you cry listening to that! "Comin' to America" reminds me of my Irish family's quest for independence. Grampa came thru Ellis Island, had his name changed by the folks there, got a job as a cop, and raised a family of five. Grampy jumped a ship bound for Austrailia, and swam to the Island. He married a Sioux Indian woman, and raised a family of seven on a coal miner's salary, because he could never send back for his wife and kids in Eire. There were 10 but 3 died; two at birth and one in the mines when he was 16. From Grampy I learned patience, from Grampa I learned Gaelic. So that song still makes me cry, wth pain and pride.

The entire "Messiah" - I had to learn all the parts to the whole thing in choir, even though I was a first soprano; because I had to help the guys come in at the right time. Nothing says Christmas to me like "The Messiah".

There's a few other diddly-bop songs; "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" and "Vogue". No teary-eyed or unrequited love songs; my music has to make me move, lift me up, inspire me.

My karaoke signature song "The Rose" is on there; because it isn't a crying song, but a song that reminds me that no matter how dark and dismal things may appear, there's always a little spark of life, of love, somewhere. Like the kid with a shovel in a roomful of manure, I keep digging for the pony that just has to be there!

Usually by the time I get through all those tunes, I'm done with my work or have gotten to where I am going! Not, of course, without a few strange looks along the way!