Grumbling against God

God, I told you what I wanted and why I moved here. I thought we had a deal.... I would finally get to do exactly what I wanted with my life, and stop being responsible for trying to explain to, help with, other people the common sense ways of doing things.

Oh, hello, dear reader - you caught me in a sort of prayer... well, my ongoing discussion/rant with God.

Last night a friend invited me to a meeting to help them do something for a CDBG grant. Well, since I am new here, I spent the first 40 minutes just sitting in the small group, listening to them debate. Then one of the out-of-towners asked my opinion. Those who know me well know that I should NEVER be asked for my opinion. Because, well, I'll give it.

So I told them exactly what had been done to get the exact results they wanted, how to do it, how much time they would need. One guy there (there's always one) was bitterly critical and sarcastic - you know the type, "This is the way we've always done it, why should we do it any differently?" I explained that if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.

By the end of the meeting, I had been offered a job helping them. Yes, a real paying job, not a volunteer savant/public servant/public scapegoat. They actually PAY for what they get here, don't expect it to be handed to them on a silver platter so that they can pick it over and whine about it for free.

ARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH. This is NOT what I want. I was invited to the meeting by my friend so that they could have the benefit of my knowledge and experience, and use it for their own ends. Good ends, too - they need some roads paved, a fire truck, a community center, a furnace for the library. I explained leveraging funds, talked about other resources, talked about how to make money work for them, how to use in-kind services, how to get private money, how to combine communication and information resources. I was there just to share knowledge and experiences that could help my new community, nothing more.

I am going to finish my pickles and bake some bread today, then go outside and chop up some more wood for the stove for winter. I have to dig my winter onion patch and work on the compost pile. THIS is what I want - nothing more. DAMMIT.

God, if you sent me here to do this AGAIN - in a place where people can actually think, are educated, are responsible and responsive, and can reason effectively; a place where people don't whine 'mememe' constantly with their hands out - I am going to be permanently pissed. Have a pickle and lighten up on me, willya?

This is how it always starts; first, a favor for a friend, then... embroilment. Argh. Not. Again.