Christmas Thoughts

A wowzer of a party last night; good friends, good food, good drink and making merry with people whom I love and respect. The best parts of the night were the impromptu dancing/singalongs and the comical imitations of people we know.

Love is a many splendored thang.

There's an overriding sadness in my heart, though. The Muse is tired. I am exhausted by the emotional vampires of the past year. One in particular I had to discipline in a very uncomfortable and painful way. A 'friendship' of 8 years that he casually and drunkenly destroyed with a terribly insulting voicemail message that inflamed my husband to murderous rage and that forced me to take action. Tis the season - of emotional cripples ramming their selfish and simpering, "I-can't-help-it-it was-the-liquor-drugs-pain-in-my-heart" down the throats of people who try to comfort and help them. Grow the hell up. I would say I've probably lost a friend but a friend does not only, endlessly, take in a relationship, so I haven't lost anything at all, really. A muse cannot inspire those who refuse inspiration, and those who merely depend on me for brief and endlessly repetitive assurances that they are worthwhile waste my time and my life. Of course, like most, he will take offense that I took offense at his crossing the line from friendship into insult. The attitude of the endlessly self-involved.

Yes, the Muse is tired. I see my future before me, like a long and dusty rutted road. I know where I am determined to go, where I want to go, where I want to be. But I will have to give up so much for it. I will have to leave loves and passions behind and determinedly head for where I want to be, the next stage of my life, what I sincerely and honestly have always wanted to do. And the people with whom I associate now will not be a part of that. They will be out of my life forever. But that is what I choose. To satisfy my deepest desires - that only a few really know - and to come to the final culmination of my life at last.

My last Christmas Party - spent with the people whom I most love, respect, honor, and admire - and now it is for me to quietly continue to fade into that peaceful oblivion where my own quiet joys and satisfactions will at last be met. I have done all that I can here. Another life awaits.